Canceling social activities, working late at night, not being able to sit back or relax, and maybe most importantly: criticizing every little mistake of what you could have done better. If this sounds familiar, you might be suffering from the symptoms of a perfectly stressed-out perfectionist, just like me... Let me help you by providing you with a few perfect tips!

Perfectionists are known for striving to achieve highly unrealistic expectations. Being a perfectionist myself, I know first-hand what it feels like to pressure yourself into trying to achieve the unachievable. To give you an example, I always want to obtain the highest possible grade in school. This implies I must make sure each assignment consists of the best quality and largest effort. Even when I’m working on a school assignment or project, I always add more elements and keep rewriting sentences to make sure the best outcome is achieved. Consequently, wanting every little detail to be perfect causes a certain amount of stress. The stress I experience often derives from anxious feelings when working on an assignment because of self-critical thoughts. And if my work isn’t rewarded with the grade I had in my mind, I will be left with the feeling that ‘I should have done better’. Unfortunately, as a perfectionist, you can never do better because the unrealistic standards you hold yourself accountable for are called unrealistic for a reason: perfect doesn’t really exist.

Dealing with perfectionism

If you are a perfectionist like me, you’re probably being told way too many times that you should let go of your high standards, take a step back, and not stress so much, yet we never listen. It is hard for us to break the barriers of our unrealistic expectations. So, I would like to tell you, from one perfectionist to another, about some of the things I have learned to break down these barriers. Being aware of them and trying out some of my tips below might help you release some of the stress caused by perfectionism.

Let others work

First of all, when you’re working in groups, let others work as well! To be honest, I’ve never considered myself a team player. Working alone allows me to work according to my own (high) standards and I do not have to criticize or redo the (less perfect) work of others who aren’t working with the same standards as I do. Unfortunately for me, group work and group projects are part of the curriculum at almost every school, and in the professional world as well. In most careers, you will be working with others on specific projects. Because I have had to work with others so often, I was eventually forced to take a step back and split the workload, since the amount of work I took on was too much for me to handle. Even though it was very scary for a perfectionist like me to let go a little bit, I did feel less stressed as the workload was evenly divided. I remember the first time I took a step back for a school assignment and thus didn’t adjust the parts of my teammates, and guess what? Even though the work we delivered didn’t meet my unrealistic standards of perfectionism, our group assignment was rewarded with a nine! 

A nice reminder

Secondly, what helped me to release some of that stress and anxiety I was experiencing due to self-critical thoughts, was literally taking a step back. The moment I recognize the first signs of stress, I step away from my computer. And yes, from my own experience, I know this can be scary. Taking a step back can sometimes come across as a failure for yourself because you want to keep on working to get the job perfectly done. However, when you cannot think clearly anymore and start panicking: close that laptop. I overcame feeling like a failure, mainly because other people in my personal environment reminded me, and sometimes even forced me, to take a step back. So, make the people you are close to aware of your perfectionism, and let them help you by reminding you to take a break! 

You're doing enough

Lastly, being a perfectionist isn’t necessarily a bad thing! It is totally fine if you want to do the best you can because in some ways it motivates you to do well. Nevertheless, your unrealistic expectations must not cause you too much stress and therefore it is all about finding the right balance. So once again, from one perfectionist to another, can we agree you’ll try to divide the workload a bit, close that laptop every once in a while, and ask for help? I hope you will because, in the end, you cannot do more than your best!