Dating is hard as it is, especially if you’re interested in someone from a different country. Considering the international environment us BUas students are in, this is not a scenario that is unlikely to happen. So if you would like to know how to an international babe, keep reading.
‘English is our language’
This first piece of advice might seem very obvious, but I personally think this is the most important tip. I know you’re probably sick of teachers saying: “English is our language.” However, it is probably the only language you can use to communicate with your international crush. Even with BUas being so international, I still notice that people are tempted to stick to their native language.
I remember my first year here, I was so excited to meet a lot of new people and get to know new cultures. Even though I am fully Dutch I have followed bilingual education, which made me very confident in my English skills. When I got to the introduction week, I noticed I kept seeking out Dutch people. Of course, in a group full of dutchies we didn’t follow the ‘English is our language’ philosophy at all. Something I personally hadn’t taken into account was the simple fact that your own language is easier. My English grammar and pronunciation is totally fine, yet I struggled to keep up a conversation. Just because I wasn’t used to it. Everything I said took me a little longer to think about, compared to speaking in my own language. This made me less secure in my social skills, which made me gravitate towards my fellow dutchies. There is only one way to solve this insecurity and it is by speaking in English. This might feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar in the beginning, but the more you do it, the easier it will be.
A tip I have to speed up the process is to start talking English everywhere, not just during your classes or when internationals are around. Do it wherever you are. Even if you’re with people from your home country, they can probably use the practice too. Talk to yourself in English, it does not matter as long as you just keep doing it. Another thing that might help is asking someone you’re comfortable with to correct your vocabulary and grammar. This will not only make you feel more confident with your English but will also improve it. I used to be scared of talking in English and now I live in a student house with my international friends, speaking English every day.
Be adventurous!
One quality that every international at our university has in common is being adventurous. If you are still growing up, learning to live without your parents, and you have the courage to move to a whole different country, that means you are a daring person. Anyone who does that is not afraid of the unknown. If you have your eye on someone from a different country, I think it is important to share this quality. What if things get more serious between the two of you and you want to meet their parents? That means you’re going to have to travel abroad and be in a totally different environment. If this is not something for you, maybe you should reconsider. However, this article is to help you get that cute Italian you’ve been staring at in class to notice you, so for now don’t worry about meeting any parents.
Being adventurous and daring can also help you attract that exciting foreigner you have your eye on. In one of my favourite marketing lectures, I learned about the effect of adrenaline. There is a study that shows that when someone has a lot of adrenaline they feel more attracted to others. Go suggest an adventurous date idea like climbing, an escape room, go explore a new city. Or if you want to go really extreme, take them bungee jumping or sky diving.
Stay open-minded and learn to adapt
Someone from a different country might be brought up with different values than you are used to. For that reason, it is very important to be open-minded and adaptable. Cultures can differ on so many levels, it is not just religion, what kind of food they eat. It can also differ how they communicate, how they express their love, what they expect out of a relationship. So, when you are trying to date someone with a different cultural background keep in mind that they were not raised the same way as you were. Be understanding of their views and the way they handle things.
If you want to take it a step further, you have to adapt to some of their beliefs. Now, I am not saying you should change yourself; you should always be yourself no matter who you’re with. However, there is nothing wrong with adopting some parts of an unfamiliar culture into your way of living. It shows that you’re respectful of their culture and interested in it. One small example of this could be diner times. I am Dutch so at home, I have diner latest at 7 o’clock. A lot of foreigners have diner way later than that. I personally shifted my diner times a bit so I have no problem eating after 9. Beware that you don’t have to adapt too much, and of course you can also teach them about your culture.
There simply isn’t a step-by-step plan on how to get with someone, even though we all wish there was one. You are just going to have to do it yourself. Dating can be scary, especially if it is someone with a completely different cultural background. Getting rejected is always better than wondering what could have been. You just have to get out there and do it. There was a time I was scared to speak in a different language. Right now, I am writing this article from the house of my boyfriends’ parents in Spain. Anyone can do it. So go get yourself that Australian surfer you’ve been dreaming about!
