Have you ever wondered what secrets the government might be hiding from you? Could our planet be just a mere simulation created by aliens and they are watching us like a Sims game? Or maybe the 1% of the richest people on the planet are hoarding all of the wealth, leaving billions of people struggling in poverty. Oops, that felt a little too real… Let’s focus on theories that are a little less true and a bit more fun! My name is Valeriia and today I will be talking about 4 conspiracy theories, some are satirical and are not made to be taken seriously, some are old but not any less ridiculous, and some might be true, who knows?  

Covering today:

  1. Birds aren't real
  2. The earth is flat
  3. Finland doesn't exist
  4. Avril Lavigne was replaced

1. The birds are watching you 

Have you ever noticed just how weird birds are? Highly intelligent species stuck on the street eating breadcrumbs left by people and sitting on the rooftops watching every person passing by like some kind of secret hidden camera. Wait, what if they are cameras? What if I told you that birds weren’t actually real?  

Picture credits go to Freepik.com

Now, if you don’t live in the United States of America you should have nothing to worry about because it seems like this theory focuses on USA and USA only. Based on the “birds aren’t real” conspiracy, all real birds were “removed” by the federal government between 1959 and 1971 and replaced by drones with feathers and beaks. An awe-inspiring technology for that time I might say, considering that the drones kept doing their average bird things – like shitting all over cars and on people and fighting for a piece of bread in a dark alleyway. Modern AI should learn from the old technologies of the 20th century at this point…  

This satirical conspiracy originally started in January 2017. After 2017 Women’s March pro-Trump counter-protestors swarmed the streets in Memphis, Tennessee, Peter Mclndoe wrote “Birds aren’t real” on a poster and joined the group of pro-Trump counter-protestors as a joke. He thought that it would be funny to stand amongst protesters holding a sign that has nothing to do with anything that was going on at the time, and it all snowballed from there. I don’t think Peter thought just how big of a theory it would become later on, and although he himself admitted to not believing in his own theory, I can bet my salary on the fact that there are some people out there who believe in it now.  

2. We live on a flying pancake

Perhaps not exactly a flying pancake, but the flat-earth theory has existed for so long that we can consider it a historical heritage. After all, it all started many centuries ago when people did not know that our planet was a planet, and the stars were just giant spheres of fire instead of angels in the sky. You would think that after inventing a telescope and even sending astronauts to space people would stop believing in the “earth is flat”  theory, but unfortunately people are a little bit more stupid and headstrong than that…  

Why do people believe in the flat earth theory when it’s been scientifically disproven? I think this question already answered itself. See, flat-earthers don’t actually believe in science, therefore everything that has been scientifically proven goes directly against their beliefs. It’s like trying to convince a cat that water isn’t scary and is not going to hurt them – not only will it not believe you, it will also probably hiss and scratch until you let the topic go.

If cats could talk, they would post on social media about the dangers of water and why we all should just stop bathing altogether. Thankfully cats don’t know how to use social media, but flat-earth believers do, and they intend on bringing as many people into their circles as they can.  

3. Finnish people don't have a country

Okay, but have you been to Finland? Can you prove that it actually exists? Jokes aside, we are not getting into a more political territory. Finland doesn’t exist is a conspiracy theory that started mid-20th century. People believe that somewhere around that time USSR and Japan decided to hide a part of the Baltic Sea from other countries and their own citizens. Why? To fish without worrying about international laws of course! They even created a fake city Helsinki, with an airport and everything to trick the whole world into believing that there is a land mass known as Finland instead of their favourite finishing spots.  

Picture credits go to Freepik.com

What about the smaller towns and villages? Well, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for them as well! Now, you as a tourist might think you are in Finland, but in reality, you are either in a remote area of Estonia, Sweden, or Russia. Those villages were built to trick everyone into thinking that Finland exists, even Finish people don’t know that they actually live in a totally different country. 

Of course, even if the land area of Finland didn’t exist and there was just another part of the Baltic Sea instead of it, no one would actually spend billions to fake a whole country to, what, create a fishing monopoly? Unfortunately, logic doesn’t exist for people who believe in conspiracy theories, so there are still quite a lot of people out there who genuinely believe it.

4. Avril Lavigne is not Avril Lavigne anymore 

Moving on to a theory I haven’t heard many people talk about anymore, did you know that Avril Lavigne, an American singer, is not herself? At least not since 2002. The real Avril Lavigne had died shortly after releasing her “Let Go” album and was replaced by a body double Melissa Vandella. According to this theory, Melissa was originally hired as a body double to distract the paparazzi from Avril Lavigne’s declining mental health and give her some personal space. Then in 2002, after her grandfather’s death, Avril’s depression got so bad that she allegedly passed away. 

Soon after her death, Melissa was taught how to sing and perform so that the company could continue to profit off Avril Lavigne's image further. The main evidence of this theory is the differences in moles on Avril’s body throughout the years and the fact that on one of the promotional photoshoots she had “Melissa” written on her hand. Let’s ignore the fact that moles can appear over time or get surgically removed for a second, okay?  

Adding to the theory, people also believe that some of the songs have subliminal messaging in them. Subliminal messaging or subliminal stimuli are any sensory stimuli that can go below the usual conscious perception, so they are basically hidden messages in the media that you are not supposed to consciously perceive, but that affect your experience and opinion nevertheless. Creepy, isn’t it?  

So, did Avril Lavigne die or is she still with us, furthering her music career and exploring different genres? I think it’s up to you to choose what to believe in, but as Avril (or Melissa) had said in one of the interviews on Brazilian TV when asked about the rumours, “Well I’m here, and I’m here in Brazil.”  She is still here with us, whether it is her actual self or Melissa.  

Reality or delusion? 

Whether you are a curious bird-watcher who wonders if you are ever being watched back, or a firm believer that Finland is a fishing mafia cover-up – it doesn’t change that those theories are just theories at the end of the day. Maybe Avril Lavigne was replaced by a double named Melissa years ago, or perhaps those are just rumours made up by very creative, but very bored individuals. The human mind is an interesting and dark place that can come up with truly weird stories, but sometimes reality can be even more interesting than imagination. Not in this case though, these theories are a little too strange even for our world. Stay safe and keep a clear head, don’t believe everything on the internet – not even me!