New Beginnings
Packing your bags and moving abroad to study in the Netherlands seems terrifying and exciting, right? From finding housing and exploring the country to making long-lasting connections. Don’t worry, I've got you! I‘m Yasmin, a Dutch second-year CB student. In this series, ‘An International Student Guide,’ I will guide you through different experiences and perspectives on how to bridge the gap and fully adapt to the Netherlands. Today’s topic is making friends (connections) with the Dutchies.
If you are an international student here at Buas and have faced some challenges in connecting with Dutch people, you are not alone. Understanding the social norms in the Netherlands is just as crucial as finding your way around the campus.
Understanding Dutch Social Norms
First things first: directness. Direct communication is a big part of our culture, whether some might agree or not. We speak our minds and say what we mean. I understood from my international friends that this can come up as rude or a bit of a shock. A Malaysian exchange student shared that she initially felt 'criticized' when she experienced this directness. But soon she realized that it isn’t meant to offend people; it's just that Dutch people are honest and value clarity. This could not be truer; in fact, this Dutch norm is a great foundation for authentic relationships. In contrast, Valeriia (a Ukrainian CB student) shared that she never felt that Dutch people are direct because she was familiar with straightforwardness in Ukraine.
Another social norm is that we love <3 independence (even in close relationships). We are used to handling things alone, like paying for our own coffee (yes, going Dutch is real). We can be self-reliant, and it is surely not uncommon to have a busy and well-planned schedule. We even have calendars in the bathroom. Since we plan everything ahead, it might take 4 to 5 business days to get coffee with you. All jokes aside, this may have an impact on the pace of friendship-building, as there is a clear separation between work and social commitments. That is why spontaneity is a bit of a challenge in the Netherlands.
Making Connections
Now that you have an idea of some social norms, let's move on to establishing connections. As an international student, you may have noticed that some Dutch students have their close-knit social circles. They did, after all, grow up here while riding their bikes to high school together (In the pouring rain). Therefore, it might be difficult to "fit in" in a foreign country after leaving behind friends and family. Even understanding the jokes and local humor can be challenging. That is simply a part of adjusting to a new country and culture. However don’t let that discourage you from breaking the ice, as Alisia (a Dutch student) told me, “Even though I have my close friend group in my city, I am always open to bonding with people from different cultures and nationalities." I feel the same way about this; though we lived here our entire lives, Dutch people are curious and happy to hear about different cultures.
Perhaps forming these connections and friendships takes some time. It is a mutual exchange, which means it needs a bit of effort from both sides.
For now, I made a quick list for you with tips: How can you start making lasting connections with Dutch students?
1. Embrace the social norms; if a Dutch person seems to be blunt, don’t take it personally. Feel free to even be direct and honest in return. If you want to hang out with a classmate, ask them in advance and plan a meet-up.
2. Be open about your culture; as mentioned before, we love to hear about your stories and traditions. Talking about your background can be a great way to start a conversation.
3. Take the initiative to approach; since Dutch people might have their established friend groups and aren’t necessarily seeking connections, take the initiative to simply talk to someone. You never know who might become your next best friend.
In the end, making Dutch connections as an international student in the Netherlands is a journey that’s worth every step. The relationships you build along the way can turn into unforgettable experiences. So go ahead, start a conversation, attend that event, and remember you might be on your own in this country, but you are never truly alone.
Did you enjoy this article? I have some good news for you: the next chapter in this series will be released on December 2nd. I know it feels like a long time wait, but in the meantime, try to make lasting (Dutch) connections and be sure to check out the work of my co-writers on the HUB read, https://hub.buas.nl/read/bored-this-fall-not-with-this-fun-bingo/.
